At times I wonder why I ask questions...or at least why I seem to ask questions some intuit as offensive or challenging. Occasionally I wonder what inside of me must exist that refuses to allow me to simply participate in systems or organizations that are not as they should be, in my opinion anyway. Though I fully realize that no system is perfect, to sit back silently and accept some skewed reality as "fine" or "OK" is just not something I have ever been able to do.
Yesterday I was reminded by Doug Pagitt that asking such questions isn't at all a form of hatred or evil. The people who seem to always challenge and deconstruct are not haters of people, faith, church, etc. but rather are people of love. Instantly I was reminded that hate is not the opposite of love...indifference is. I am a lot of things but "indifference" is not a word I have ever heard used to describe me. If I was indifferent toward church, faith or the people who participate in either I could be guilty of not loving. The contrary is true. The very fact that I love God and the things of God (admittedly not exclusively) leads to me deconstructing, asking weird and perhaps difficult questions. Additionally, love is the very thing that prevents me from accepting things as they are when I feel that they could and perhaps should be so different...or better, as I define it anyway.
So anyway, I simply was reminded why I questions...why I ask why, how, when, where and if. As I explained to a friend last night over dinner, it has nothing to do with judgement on those who find meaning in the things I deconstruct but it has everything to do with making a new way for those of us who don't find meaning, purpose or faith in those same things.